I haven’t said much online – truth is, I’ve been wrapped up in things and I’ve let this fall to the wayside. I keep thinking about updating and keep getting distracted or feel too tired to bother with it. I’ve been working a lot and when I’m not working, I’m playing games – lately it’s been Neverwinter and Rift. But, that’s neither here nor there and I shouldn’t have neglected this space for so long. I’ve had this post bouncing around in my head for weeks now – it’s about time that it came out.
Just before Memorial Day weekend, I took a trip back to Seattle. I scrambled to get a fight up there – fortunately, I was able to find one. I booked it midnight of the day I was leaving and the only ticket left was first class. Oh my, it was nice!! I got a free rental of their streaming movies, with headphones (which I still have), an excellent lunch of a salad and a pasta dish. I even ate the spinach in the pasta dish and liked it!! Oh and I tried a new dressing – a raspberry vinagarette. It was good too. It was a lovely experience.
However, my flight up in and of itself isn’t my post. It was nice and I was filled with excitement. It was a direct flight, so I had 3 hours of flight time to think about things. I went up to try and get my kids and bring them back here with me. That didn’t happen – and I’ll go into that in another post. I did, however, manage to make the probable cause hearing. I missed four days of work, due to the way scheduling is for flights between Kansas City and Seattle.
I was glad to see friends and fortunate enough to be able to stay with a couple of them during my short stay. The trip wasn’t well planned out – so, I spent part of that time running around trying to get stuff together. Of course, a lot of it was spent wrapped up in legal matters. I hadn’t given much thought to being back “home” at all until I went. I was in a window seat on the plane – when they announced the descent, I watched. I thought…it would feel different. When the clouds cleared and I could see the city, I thought “well, there’s Seattle.” That was my first clue. I’ve lived most of my life in Seattle. It hasn’t always felt like home. In fact, when I think about it, most of the time, it didn’t feel like home. It was a place I lived, a place I had family.
Don’t get me wrong; I like Seattle and for the most part, I liked living there. Even now, there are some things I miss – the Market, even though I didn’t go often. And I miss coffee – I mean, *real* espresso coffee – on every freaking corner. It was nice to have that variety. Here in Missouri, it simply doesn’t exist like that. But, the fact that I didn’t think “I’m home” gave me pause. I mean, you’d think that a place I’ve spent a good part of my life would feel like coming home, right? I did. It was a surprise to realize that in the year I’ve been in Missouri, I’d really stopped thinking of Seattle as my home. Even going through town during my stay, and having that familiarity that I don’t have here – it didn’t feel like home. Oh, sure, there was a certain comfort in being back there…but it wasn’t …and isn’t…home.
The entire time, I kept thinking “I want to go home.” and “I can’t wait to get home.” I talked with Master the entire stay as he stayed behind. He’d just had back surgery, so even if he’d wanted to go (which, to be clear, he didn’t), he wouldn’t have been able to. And he was able to manage things here – which is good, because I needed to be there too. I wanted to be home with him. But, when I boarded the plane to return to Kansas City I realized that here is home. And I realized, too, that even without Master this would be home. It’s better with him here to be sure. It feels like home though – and even though I could pick up and move anywhere, I find myself not really wanting to. I never felt that in Seattle – I always wanted to be somewhere else. I still want to travel and see other places – maybe even live some places for a little bit. But, if I never do, I won’t regret it. The idea of growing old here doesn’t make me sigh.
So, I guess it really is home is where the heart is …and mine is in Missouri.
His Left-side Angel 
I can so relate to your post. I just returned home after spending 3 weeks in Los Angeles. My “home town”. Ok for the first week I visited friends and by the end of the 2nd week I was definitely ready to return home to Florida. I do have a family member in California, sadly I was in the middle of the muck of Drama. I’m a Drama Free kind of Gal and quite frankly this was overwhelming my senses. As I departed LAX I felt somewhat melancholy. I usually visit every 5-8 years and after this last visit I’m not sure I wll return at any point.
I was like a horse with blinders and could only focus my energies on getting back home with my Husband and Wonderful Children “My Family”.
BTW I just had to mention that Jetblue was an Awesome flight, Very Friendly Staff. What happened to the days of Friendly Flight Attendants? American Airlines not so good they made me send my carry on case through to baggage because the outside pouches buldged. And the Attitude of the Flight Attendants Sucked. Never Again American you over book your flights then ask your patrons to send there carry on to baggage. Why do you think we use those silly wheeled carry on baggage in the first place. Sorry For The Rant.